March 6th 2010

According to a new study by the Centers for Disease Control, couples have their best sex after two years and four months of marriage… because that’s when they start having affairs and cheating on each other.

A conservative Christian group called the American Family Association is asking SeaWorld to stone Tilly the whale like it says in the bible. They might be onto something; a stoned whale would never kill a trainer, just giggle all the time.

A newlywed Massachusetts’s couple spent their wedding night in separate jail cells after police said the bride tried to run over an old flame of the groom. Poor her; at least the husband did have sex on his wedding night.

According to NASA, the 8.8 earthquake in Chile shortened the length of days on our planet by 1.26 microseconds. Producers of 24 are freaking out; naming the show 23 hours 59 minutes 58 seconds and 34 microseconds doesn’t sound as catchy.

A plastic surgeon butchered a breast augmentation on a woman in Staten Island and gave her 4 breasts. She now wants to sue the doctor and is asking for $5 million and two new hands for her husband.

A plastic surgeon butchered a breast augmentation on a woman in Staten Island and gave her 4 breasts. She now wants to sue the doctor, whereas her husband wants to hug him and thank him.

A woman in Staten Island is suing her plastic surgeon because the doctor didn’t augment her boobs and instead gave her 4 breasts. Unfortunately, she still needs to find a male reporter that would pay attention to what she is saying and stop staring at her boobs.

A man was caught masturbating under a blanket on a Southwest Airlines flight from Philadelphia to Denver. Passengers were all shocked… How did he get a blanket on the plane?

A man was caught masturbating on a Southwest Airlines flight from Philadelphia to Denver. And unlike the terrorist on Christmas day, this one was successful and had an explosion in his underpants.

A man was caught masturbating on a Southwest Airlines flight from Philadelphia to Denver. He is being accused of exposing himself and of attempting to highjack it off.

A man was caught masturbating on a Southwest Airlines flight from Philadelphia to Denver. I don’t know if it sounds like a sequel but apparently, the passengers claim they saw this guy’s snake on a plane.

There’s a Smurfs movie in the works. Would that be considered an Avatar sequel?

There’s a Speedy Gonzales movie in the works. It is a contemporary version. This time Speedy has to be faster than ever to run away from Lou Dobbs.