March 4th 2010

Leno’s ratings on his first show were outstanding, once again beating his competitors by a mile. He should be worried; you know that might tempt NBC executives to cancel his show again.

There's talk Anderson Cooper may replace Katie Couric as anchor of "CBS Evening News”. Apparently, the network wanted someone more masculine but Katie didn’t do well in the ratings.

According to NASA, the 8.8 earthquake in Chile shortened the length of days on our planet by 1.26 microseconds. And now Republicans are saying that even Earth can’t wait for Obama to finish his presidency.

According to NASA, the 8.8 earthquake in Chile shortened the length of days on our planet by 1.26 microseconds. I don’t worry; my wife still manages to make my days feel longer!

A new rocket will enable humans to travel to Mars in just 39 days. Right in time for Senator Jim Bunning to get the heck out of here and hide from all the unemployed people that couldn’t get their checks this week.

Dwight Howard is the block leader in the NBA, close second in blocks: Senator Jim Bunning.

Tiger Woods is back at home practicing his golf swing. He hired a new coach; his wife Elin…

An Ohio woman taken to a maternity ward in her wedding dress became a newlywed and a new mom on the same day. I don’t want to say it was a shotgun wedding but the couple was registered in Target.

A New York City man grabbed a flash drive and swallowed the data storage device while in the custody of Secret Service agents. It was a mega byte!

A US court has ruled a group of 'zombies' have a right to free speech. So I guess tea baggers are organizing another rally this weekend.

A California man was sentenced to seven years in prison for shoplifting a package of cheese in his pants. That is not Gouda…

A California man was sentenced to seven years in prison for shoplifting a package of cheese in his pants, which is ironic because he said he did it because he was tired of living on government cheese.

The 8.8 earthquake in Chile shifted the Earth's axis. I guess we’ll have to balance it back sending Kirstie Alley and Kevin Smith to the other side.

Live fish rained down from the sky last week in a small town in Australia. Apparently, it is a new trend among Christian rappers.

Jon Gosselin's ex- girlfriend posted a picture of what she says is Jon’s penis online. I don’t want to be rude but it is Jon minus 8… inches.

Jon Gosselin's ex- girlfriend posted a picture of what she says is Jon’s penis online. Now that Jon is not doing Jon & Kate plus 8, he can definetely do: 2 and a half… inches.