March 2nd 2010

The California state assembly passed a resolution making the first week of March "Curse Free Week." And to make it easier for everybody, they cancelled all the Clippers games for that week.

The California state assembly passed a resolution making the first week of March "Curse Free Week.” What about a gigantic Cuss Jar? If we show some politicians on TV that week we can raise enough money to save the state budget.

A 507-carat diamond sold in London for $35 million. I guess Tiger had a little relapse in rehab.

Gun-rights advocates are very happy with Starbucks policy to allow anybody to openly carry firearms when they walk into their stores. Starbucks people are not afraid of guns; they have been robbing you for years charging $4 for a cup of coffee and they never needed a pistol.

Gun-rights advocates are very happy with Starbucks policy to allow anybody to openly carry firearms when they walk into their stores. The baristas not so much, especially because they are the ones that have to tell their customers it is $4 for a cup of coffee.

A D.C. couple got quite a surprise this week when FedEx dropped a package with 30 Pounds of pot. Poor Snoop doggy dog; he must have had a boring party this weekend.

Johnny Weir called a press conference to confirm he is a man. There’s no news about a Lady Gaga press conference yet.

Johnny Weir grew facial hair to prove he is a man. Right after that Susan Boyle shaved her beard to prove she is a woman.

Last night was the end of the Winter Olympics game. Now the Olympic flame stays in Vancouver for a while… doing some shopping. Then Johnny Weir goes back to the U.S.

A silicone breast implant saved the life of a California woman who was shot in the chest. “That’s why, honey, I go to strip joints; I feel really safe behind those women.”

A silicone breast implant saved the life of a California woman who was shot in the chest. “Honey, let’s cancel our home security system, and call a plastic surgeon.”

A massive magnitude-8.3 earthquake struck Chile early on Saturday. Can somebody please rush to cover Pat Robertson’s mouth before he says something dumb?

J WoWW, of the reality TV show, Jersey Shore, celebrated her birthday in Vegas Saturday night. You know what they say: what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. So, could you please lock her there so she doesn’t go back to her show?

The cast of "Jersey Shore" will return next season. According to some rumors, everybody in the show will make $10,000 an episode. You’d think they would be happy, but after all the money they spend on hair gel and spray tan it is a clean $5.

Vice president Joe Biden was caught saying: "It's easy being vice president. You don't have to do anything," during the Health Care Summit. “It is true,” said Bush, “as a Vice president, I didn’t have to do much.”

Carly Simon finally told the world the subject of "You're So Vain.” In a new version of the 1972 hit song, the singer whispers a name during an instrumental break. If you pay close attention, you can clearly hear: Simon Cowell.

Kevin Smith’s movie “Cop Out” debuted this weekend. And if you saw the theaters half empty, it wasn’t because they were kicking out fat people; it is just that his movie sucks.