March 9th 2010

Mo’Nique won an Oscar for best supporting actress. I heard rumors she won by a hair... or lots…

Miley Cyrus presented an award during the Oscar Ceremony. She looked quite uncomfortable onstage. I think she missed the stripper pole.

Both Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin did fantastic last night. Most of their lines went great. Except the times Jeremy Renner of the Hurt Locker came on stage to defuse a couple of jokes that bombed.

James Taylor performed during the tribute to those who died last year. It was pretty emotional; I choked, especially when they showed David Carradine.

TLC dropped the Miss America Pageant. So now the only way left for dumb blondes to be in TV is to work for Fox News.

A study says that baseball players are getting fatter. It must be true, because McDonalds is planning to open stores between second and third base in every baseball field in America.

Researchers at Northern Arizona University failed to scare beetles using Rush Limbaugh’s voice. Instead, the beetles started fighting with each other and blamed the black beetle for everything.

Researchers at Northern Arizona University failed to scare beetles using Rush Limbaugh’s voice. Shouldn’t have they used Yoko Ono’s instead.

Police in Vallejo, California, said that a teenager allegedly shot himself in the testicles Thursday afternoon. Well, he definitely got bigger balls than Plaxico Burress.

Police in Vallejo, California, said that a teenager allegedly shot himself in the testicles Thursday afternoon. I think he learned the lesson, because from now on he’ll be shooting blanks.

A Kentucky woman in jail for public intoxication was accused of assaulting an officer by squirting breast milk at her. And that, my friends, is how a porno movie is born!

More problems for David Patterson: Not only is he accused of obtaining free Yankee tickets for him, but he also now got in trouble for getting front row tickets for his eye-seeing dog for the Best In Show.

A pop singer got his family out of Haiti after the earthquake, only to move them to Chile to suffer a second one. Disaster follows him as he was hired to sing at a Nets game.

A chef in New York is serving cheese made with his wife’s breast milk at his restaurant. If you order a cheeseburger, remember not to ask for the mayo... trust me.

A chef in New York is serving cheese made with his wife’s breast milk at his restaurant. It is not that expensive unless you request to get the milk yourself.

Sarah Palin is planning on writing a second book. Apparently, the second book will act as a translation to the first one.

A man opened a new service and for $10 he dumps your girlfriend for you over the phone. He just needs one client to become rich: Tiger Woods