March 25th 2010

Vice president Joe Biden dropped the F bomb on national TV during the signing of the Health Care Bill. It was all part of the plan to finance Health Care, especially with all the money the FCC is going to get from the networks that aired the swear word.

Vice president Joe Biden dropped the F bomb on national TV during the signing of the Health Care Bill. You know what? I’d rather have a vice president that drops F bombs than one that drops real ones like the one we had before.

During the signing of the Health Care Bill yesterday, president Obama used different pens for every letter of his name to give as souvenirs to important people. As a nice gesture, he gave all the pens he used to write Hussein to Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Fox News and the Tea Party…

President Obama used 20 pens to sign the Health Care bill as a way to pay thanks to those allies who helped him push the law through. Actually, it was only 19; the other one he just used it to stab Biden after he used the F word.

Democrats promised the creation of 2.5 million jobs after passing the Health Care bill. They were right; most of the jobs will go to lawyers trying to sue them for passing the Health Care bill.

As part of some changes the Health Care bill brought, indoor tanning salons will charge customers a 10 percent tax beginning today. Now you understand why Mitt Romney was so mad on Sunday when Democrats passed the bill.

The CW is launching a reality show about flight attendants called “Fly Girls”. The pilots also have their own show; they can all be seen in “Intervention.”

The CW is launching a reality show about flight attendants called “Fly Girls”. Maybe, for once, everybody should ignore them and not watch it, like they do to us when we are on the plane.

A new report by the Center for American Progress says it will cost $285 billion to find, apprehend, detain, and return the almost 11 million illegal immigrants in the U.S. Maybe if we hire some illegal immigrants to do that job, we can save some money.

A new report by the Center for American Progress says it will cost $285 billion if we send back all the illegal immigrants. And the number doubles if we have to start hiring our own kids to mow our lawns.

Lindsay Lohan complained on twitter because she was forced to wait in line at a West Hollywood club. And we all know how much she hates to wait for a line!

According to a new poll, 24% of Republicans think President Obama "may be the antichrist." Which is fair, because the same number of Democrats think he is Jesus.

Starbucks offered a free pastry to customers yesterday. It was a nice deal until I realized I had to pay $5 for regular coffee.

A new study found that people who use green products are more likely to cheat than those who do not. Oh, that’s why I saw Tiger Woods buying energy-saving light bulbs at Wal-Mart.

The BBC posted a video of President Bush wiping his hands on Bill Clinton’s shirt after shaking hands with some locals in Haiti. Unfortunately for Bush, he caught herpes after touching that shirt.

The BBC posted a video of President Bush wiping his hands on Bill Clinton’s shirt after shaking hands with some locals in Haiti. What you can’t see in the clip is that most Haitians touched their pockets after greeting Bush to see if they had some money left.

The NFL approved a new overtime rule for the 2011 playoffs. 24 owners voted in favor of the proposal. 4 voted against, like the Cleveland Brown owner, because he doesn’t know what playoffs are.