March 29th 2010

Today is Nancy Pelosi’s 70th birthday. She received lots of flowers, birthday cards and a bunch of dead threats.

Today is Nancy Pelosi’s 70th birthday. She is probably going to get some botox today; she can’t afford to look her age, at 70 she already qualifies for the death panels.

Today is Nancy Pelosi’s birthday. She is turning 70…. her face just 17…..

According to a study by researchers at Wayne State University in Michigan, the bigger your smile the longer you'll live. Republicans are screwed, because I haven’t seen a single one smiling after we passed the Health Care reform on Sunday.

President Obama walked in a bookstore in Iowa and spent $37 on kids' books. He bought some children books for his daughters, Robert Gibbs’ son and Joe Biden.

Congress approved a package of final changes to the healthcare reform on Thursday, and it now goes to Obama to sign. It might take a couple of days though; security has to be sure every microphone is shut so nobody can hear Biden cursing again.

Former "American Idol" contestant Sanjaya Malakar was fined in Washington for driving 110-miles-per-hour. Apparently he was driving fast to try to enjoy his last seconds of his 15 minutes of fame.

Former "American Idol" contestant Sanjaya Malakar was fined in Washington for driving 110-miles-per-hour. But the worst part was when the officer that pulled him over told him that his performance was pitchy and all over the place

Former "American Idol" contestant Sanjaya Malakar was fined in Washington for driving 110-miles-per-hour. You think his family was mad? What about the owner of the car that he was valet parking?

Former "American Idol" contestant Sanjaya Malakar was fined in Washington for driving 110-miles-per-hour. He couldn’t help it, he was driving a Toyota.

Robert Finch, a co-founder of KC and the Sunshine Band was arrested was arrested for having sex with teenage boys. Apparently he did it because, "that's the way, uh huh uh huh, he likes it."

Robert Finch, a co-founder of KC and the Sunshine Band was arrested was arrested for having sex with teenage boys. He’d better get ready because in jail he will have to shake that booty, shake that booty!

Tiger Woods shot a new Nike commercial in his Florida neighborhood yesterday. Apparently he used a new slogan: "Think twice before you just do it!"

Some tabloids magazines are reporting that Elin, Tiger’s wife, might be pregnant. Wouldn’t it be ironic if after she delivers the baby, the baby looks like Jesse James?

Osama Bin Laden released a new tape yesterday. In this one he threatens Americans and also said that Jesse James is in ass.

According to a study by the Nielsen Company last month, 28% of people look at porno at work. The rest are unemployed.