March 30th 2010

President Obama made a surprise stop in Afghanistan yesterday. Apparently, with all the death threats and violence going on in the country after the health care bill passed, the president feels safer there.

President Obama made a surprise stop in Afghanistan yesterday. Apparently, the president wanted to visit the troops and also find a place where he can finally smoke a cigarette without being bothered by his wife or the press.

All of Jesse James' mistresses claim to have incriminating text messages from him. Apparently, Jesse James had the same cell phone plan Tiger had…

The Earth went dark for an hour Saturday night. A chance for both Tiger and Jesse James to go back to their old businesses without being caught by wives or papparazies…

Fox cancelled the show 24. Now, if you want to get your weekly dose of torture, you’ll have to watch The View.

Fox cancelled the show 24. First, the Health Care Bill, and now this? Republicans can’t catch a break!

The first male prostitute working at the Shady Lady Ranch quit because he wasn’t getting enough clients. Of course… with Tiger and now Jesse James out there, what woman would pay for sex?

Hacker Albert Gonzalez, who participated in a cybercrime ring that stole tens of millions of credit and debit card numbers, was sentenced Friday to 20 years in prison. He was heard saying that he hoped his cellmate had a floppy disk instead of a hard drive.

Hacker Albert Gonzalez, who participated in a cybercrime ring that stole tens of millions of credit and debit card numbers, was sentenced Friday to 20 years in prison. I know it sounds lame, but he probably hopes his cell has “windows.”

The White House announced that President Barack Obama and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev will sign a nuclear-arms reduction treaty on April 8 in Prague. The only bombs left that day will be all dropped by Biden when they sign the new treaty.

J.D. Shapiro, the screenwriter of movie Battlefield Earth, which is considered the worst movie of the decade, wrote a formal apology to all its viewers. Ok director of the movie Gigli, the ball is in your court.

A man was busted in Florida with 1,000 prescription pills hidden in his underpants. Apparently, the passing of the new Health Care bill really affected Rush.

A man was busted in Florida with 1,000 prescription pills hidden in his underpants. Cops were shocked they didn’t find any crack!

A man was busted in Florida with 1,000 prescription pills hidden in his underpants. Not to be confused with Rush; he is another ass with tons of prescription pills.

The new police chief from a small town in Washington proposed an ordinance that would fine $50 to residents that swear. He expects to raise a lot of money because he immediately extended an invitation to Joe Biden to spend a weekend there.

The movie Hot Tub Time Machine opened in theaters this weekend. I saw a lot of Republicans on Saturday getting in their Jacuzzis hoping they could go back to the day before the Health Care bill was passed.