May 26th 2010

A gambling website published odds on what species will be first to become extinct from the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. My money is on “The Democrats.”

Arizona Gov. Janice Brewer has requested predator drones from the White House to patrol the border region with Mexico. Obama apologized and said that at this moment he is using all of them to protect their daughters from the Jonas Brothers.

President Barack Obama suggested in an interview that LeBron James would fit in well with the Chicago Bulls. Obama is the right person to talk about free agents as he might become one after 2012.

Mark Twain's autobiography is finally to be published 100 years after his death. Sorry, but If I could wait a 100 years, I’d rather wait 102 and see the movie.

Donald Trump hired Brett Michaels in the season finale of The Apprentice. And Trump claims to be a great businessman? Brett immediately started collecting disability.

Market went down yesterday; mostly the stocks of major distillers and liquor distributors dropped after they heard the news that Lindsay Lohan had been ordered to wear an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet yesterday.

Lindsay Lohan was ordered yesterday to wear an alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet. She is cool; as long as the judge doesn’t go for the drug-monitoring-nose ring.

Lindsay Lohan is concerned that the alcohol-monitoring bracelet on her ankle can ruin the filming of her upcoming movie. Especially considering she’ll be playing a porn star and she's worried that the ankle bracelet will keep getting caught on her earrings.

Miley Cyrus discovered a scorpion in her Nashville hotel room. Her father walked in the room and killed it. Then he billed her $200,000 for his services.

The FDA will debate approving a Viagra-for-women type drug next month. I thought wine was already legal in this country.

According to a recent survey by iVillage.com, 41% of women would rather catch up on sleep than have sex with their husband. Why does it have to be either/or? My wife does both things at the same time…

According to a recent survey by iVillage.com, 55% of married women are happy with their sex lives. The other 45% are not having affairs.


According to a recent survey by "Women's Health" magazine, 45% of women say they count calories. What proves how bad our education system is; none of them seems to know math.

A 63 year-old New Jersey man has been arrested for reaching under the blanket of a sleeping woman aboard a Continental flight and sexually abusing her. The bad news, he’ll go to jail for a long time; the good news, he’ll get better food there than aboard the plane.

A 63 year-old New Jersey man has been arrested for reaching under the blanket of a sleeping woman aboard a Continental flight and sexually abusing her. Today Continental changed its slogan. The new one… “Want to get off?”