May 6th 2010

Yesterday was 5 de Mayo! Ironically, 5 are the Mexicans left in Arizona.

The Pakistani man who tried to blow Times Square was arrested while he was sitting on a plane that was about to take off for Dubai. He suspected officials were after him, especially when the flight attendant offered him free drinks, a pillow and a blanket.

The plane boarded by the terrorist suspect took off several hours after his arrest. It wasn’t because of security concerns; the air line was trying to make a buck reselling his ticket.

The Pakistani man who tried to blow Times Square was arrested while he was sitting on a plane that was about to take off for Dubai. That’s the official version. The truth is he surrendered after he discovered the in-flight movie was The Back Up Plan.

Republicans are mad at the Obama administration for reading the Miranda rights to the terrorist suspect. Apparently, they don’t want not only Miranda rights, but Charlotte, Samantha and Carrie rights either.

NBC head Jeff Zucker says he may run for public office. He’ll do great as a politician; he’s proven he is a master at screwing people… Right, Jay? Right, Conan?

Texas Governor Rick Perry claimed on Monday that the oil rig explosion may have been "just an act of God". And today, Obama sent God the bill to pay for the oil clean up.

Texas Governor Rick Perry claimed on Monday that the oil rig explosion may have been "just an act of God". I know BP is powerful, but to call them God...

Comedian George Lopez got to see Sandra Bullock’s baby. I think the kid had a little bit of Jesse James in him, because he asked Lopez to show his papers.

Pamela Anderson set some pelicans free at a Malibu beach in support of PETA. That’s not the only positive thing she did for humanity yesterday; she also got eliminated from Dancing with the Stars.

William Shatner has made $600 million pitching for Priceline.com. He is not that happy, considering his wig gets 50 percent of everything.

Keanu Reeves and Charlize Theron were photographed hugging and kissing outside a restaurant in Beverly Hills. You know there’s true love. At least for Keanu… you know he can’t act that well…

Today is Chris Brown’s birthday. Unfortunately, his party won’t be the same now that he is not with Rhianna anymore… he won’t have a piñata.

Environmentalists believe that the oil spill in the Gulf Coast can really ruin the wildlife in the area. Not because the birds are going to die directly from exposure to oil, but because so many people will try to shoot them down and squeeze them into the tank of their cars.

Rush Limbaugh has said repeatedly on his show the environmentalist wackoes could be responsible for the oil spill in the Gulf Coast. I have my own conspiracy; I believe it is all the birds’ plan to steal as much as possible on their wings.

A teenager in Missouri helped his great-grandma to fulfill one of her items of her bucket list and took her to his prom. What he doesn’t know is that grandma also got to fulfill a second item on her bucket list that night: She had a threesome with two of his classmates.

The man who tried to blackmail David Letterman is going to prison for six months. And trust me, he’ll do anything he can to avoid “a” black male inside.